Finding my way
When I accepted my place at university for PhD Study, I wasn’t nervous about the academic side of things. I won’t be so proud as to say I never struggled academically; but when I think back to sleepless nights and anxious mornings, they are connected far more to the social side of university. I have what is now called autism spectrum disorder but might previously have been referred to as Aspergers Syndrome. Generally, I would be considered to have low support needs. I always did well at school and, though I’m in no way a social butterfly, I’ve learned enough social skills to mask my more obvious autistic traits.
Socialising still causes major issues, however. Approaching people I don’t know is still utterly terrifying and even for people I meet at events or in modules, it can be difficult to move past superficial chat to forming a deeper relationship. This was difficult in undergrad, but the problem only intensifies with a PhD. The same things that make doctoral study so appealing are also the things that can make it so difficult to find community. I can set my own schedule and hyperfocus precisely because I don’t work with any other students. If I want to meet people and get more involved with the student community, I must do it myself – and that is a scary leap.
But enough doom and gloom. That’s the challenge me and many other Neurodivergent researchers face. But the real question is this: how am I working to solve it? The only advice I can give is the simplest, and therefore the worst: you really just have to get out there and socialise. I know we all wish there was some kind of magical trick we could do, some algorithm we could implement, to make it all so much easier. But the hard truth is there isn’t. The one thing I have found helpful is to reevaluate how I approach these situations. I am different from other people. Social situations are hard. With that in mind I choose to be kinder to myself. I take victories in the times I go to a society meeting or a conference but accept that sometimes I will struggle to do this. I choose societies based on my interests and join socials more suited to my needs. Last of all I remind myself that I am here for three years. I don’t need to make every friend I’ll ever have or join every social event going. I can take my time and build myself up, knowing that in the end I’ll be all the better for it.